I struggle with identifying miracles that have happened to me. I also struggle with doing personal development exercises, including this one from a Mike Dooley webinar.
“What’s your miraculous story? When have you experienced a transformation that completely took you by surprise or wildly exceeded your expectations – a miracle … sparked by a situation or event that seemed anything but miraculous? … Write about something that’s changed your life for the better, without you having to micromanage it.” – Mike Dooley
It’s easy enough to identify situations or events that seemed anything but miraculous. It’s another thing entirely to identify miracles.
Then I remember that one definition of a miracle is “a change in perception.” I’ve had many changes of perception. That’s something I could write about. And I only need to write about one of those changes of perception right now. Sometimes, it takes me finding the right angle to approach something from. Once I’ve done that, I can begin what I need to do.
Miracles happen every day. Here are some of mine.
My Birth
It’s a miracle I was born at all.
My parents were still newlyweds when they learned my mom was pregnant with me. My dad didn’t want to have children. My mom disagreed with having a forced miscarriage or an abortion. I know it wasn’t an easy choice for my mom to do what she did. Heroes don’t always make easy choices.
My mom moved back to her hometown to give birth to me. My parents were separated before I was born. I never met my dad. He died when I was 18.
The circumstances of my birth have defined my entire life.
When I spoke with my mom earlier this week, I gave her the greatest compliment I could think of. I told her that she did extremely well with raising me. And she did. I wasn’t making that up.
My mom did whatever she had to do to make sure I would be born and also that I would get to grow up and have some level of maturity. She succeeded.
And that can make the following items painful to talk about…
My Divorce
When I started writing this post, I thought that the only miracle was the one I’m leading toward telling you about — the change in perception.
Now, I realize that I’ve been faced with miracles my entire life. Confronted by them and surrounded by them.
It’s like being in an ocean, and you’re so used to it that you don’t even recognize the water you’re in. That’s our lives. We’re constantly experiencing miracles.
I’m experiencing a miracle, a change in perception, as I write these words. I see that life is beautiful and fun, and it’s also messy and painful. A miracle is that it’s necessary to experience all of that. The pleasure and the pain. The love and the fear. That’s how we come alive. The full experience. The complete spectrum of emotions.
There have been times when I knew there would be a lot of pain ahead, but I also knew that the pain would somehow be worth the effort. One of those times was when I chose to have surgery on purpose.
My Vasectomy
I’m child-free by choice. As part of my honesty with myself, I chose to get a vasectomy.
What is a vasectomy? It’s a surgical procedure where a man’s tubes are cut and burned shut. With the tubes being cut and burned shut, the sperm stays inside the man’s body. Nothing else changes. He doesn’t have less testosterone or a lower sex drive. He can still ejaculate. And he still has his testicles.
I am doing my part to help more people get past the various misconceptions that are out there about vasectomy.
Is vasectomy painful? Yes, it is, but less so at Pollock Clinics, where I got my vasectomy.
Pollock Clinics offers a no-needle, no-scalpel vasectomy. Done in 6 minutes. Gentler than the regular vasectomy method. Only one small puncture. No stitches are required. Low cost.
==>Click here to read my review of the Pollock Clinics vasectomy.<==
Despite the physical pain and the post-surgery recovery I experienced, I still see the vasectomy as the best investment I’ve ever made.
And I notice the miracles throughout the entire process. The kindness of the staff at Pollock Clinics. The people who’ve told me that I’ve been responsible by getting a vasectomy. The knowledge that I did the right thing.
All these events — the circumstances of my birth, divorce, and vasectomy — have brought about the miracle, my change in perception, that I’ve been leading up to telling you about.
Miracle: My Change in Perception
“And then, after you’ve written about the event, spend some time thinking (and then writing) about the mindset and thoughts … going through your mind before the big change. See if you can find the correlation between the mindset and the end result.” – Mike Dooley
In this case, with the miracle being my change in perception, the mindset and the end result are the same thing.
For my birth, I see more clearly that I’m not the only one who had an experience like that. I read a statistic stating that 30% – 50% of households with children don’t have men present. Single mothers raising children on their own comprise a larger percentage of households than they did before.
I’m not unique. So many boys and men worldwide haven’t had mature men around to initiate them into manhood. Healthy masculine initiation needs to make a comeback.
I was one of the lucky ones. I did have mature men initiate me into manhood when I was 17, but that’s a story for another time.
I didn’t have my dad in my life, but I did have my mom. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate my mom much more than I used to. We get to relate to each other as adults now. I’ve seen how rich my life has been. So many miracles happened for my life to turn out as well as it has. My mom is a hugely important factor in that outcome.
Thank you, Mom. I look back on the past with gratitude and appreciation. I enjoy the talks and the messages we have now. You’ve been having a greatly positive attitude, which also helps me.
For my divorce, I recognize the gift I received with my ex-wife and I breaking up. The pain of our break up and subsequent divorce was enough to send me on a voyage of discovery that will drive me for the rest of my life. I get to be true to myself. Whatever healthy, mature masculinity is, I aim to discover it and be it.
For my vasectomy, I see more pieces of the puzzle of my life fall into place. I needed to get a vasectomy just like I needed to be born and get divorced. It was another necessary step on my path of development. As long as I acknowledge that and accept it, then the miracle, my change in perception, takes place.
It’s funny how human motivation works. The drive to avoid pain is greater than the drive to gain pleasure. But it’s tempting to say that more is gained from painful experiences than pleasurable ones.
Sometimes, when the clarity shines through, I can enjoy the pain. Not in a masochistic kind of way. But rather with the recognition that pain is necessary for growth, at least now and then.
That’s why it’s called growing pains. Growth hurts. But not always.
Then, there are times when I can find the pain in the pleasure. The pain can come from various places, including getting too attached to positive circumstances and not letting go of them when the time is right.
What’s the miracle? What’s my change in perception?
It’s admitting that everything has happened for a reason. I get to embrace the pain and the pleasure. I get to embrace all of it. It has made me who I am today, and I get to use that as light on the path and as fuel to keep going.
The circumstances of my birth, divorce, and vasectomy indicate what I’m here for and what I’m to do with my life. My mission is lit up in giant, flashing neon letters. I get to use my experiences for the greater good and expand on that in the days to come. Life is a gift, and I get to enjoy every moment. If I choose to.
Conclusion
I’m grateful for all my experiences, even those that it might have been nice to avoid. If I embrace the pain, I make room for more miracles. If I embrace the pleasure, including the pleasure of writing, that also makes room for more miracles.
“Once you start to see the miracles that have happened (to you) and what you did to inspire them – even without knowing it – you’ll start to have a sense about how you can now deliberately create these same life-changing events in the future.” – Mike Dooley
I like the idea of seeing miracles in circumstances that look like they are anything other than miraculous. It’s empowering.
If I can see miracles everywhere I go, in everything I do, and in all I experience, then I’m conscious of the fact that life is all about miracles.
And that’s a miracle right there. That change in perception from “Oh, those circumstances were all about pain, and they weren’t helpful” to “Oh, those circumstances were exactly what I’ve needed, and I’m grateful for them” is the miracle that can help brighten up anyone’s life. It’s certainly helped brighten up my life.
I see the blessings in the struggles. I see the greatness in the heartaches and the heartbreaks. I appreciate the happy times and increase my happiness by admitting that every circumstance is useful. Remembering this lesson, this miracle, this change in perception can help ensure that I keep embracing more and more opportunities for growth.
Sometimes, growth hurts. And that’s okay. I’m awake and alive. Growth is what I’m here for. And it’s exactly what you’re here for, too. Here’s to growth. It hurts now and then, but it’s exactly what we need.
Tell me about some of the miracles in your life in the comments section below. I bet you’ve got some outstanding ones to share.
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Until next time,
James Barnett
